


Envisage

by AndWeMutate



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Bruises, Choking, Established Relationship, M/M, Moonrocks, Non-Graphic Violence, Post-Kingdom Hearts III
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 22:33:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29426058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndWeMutate/pseuds/AndWeMutate
Summary: Sequel to Anamnesis.en·vis·age  (ĕn-vĭz′ĭj)1. To conceive an image or a picture of, especially as a future possibility: envisaged a world at peace.2. To consider or regard in a certain way.Post Kingdom Hearts 3. Isa and Terra are in a relationship and things could not be better. However, sometimes the past has a way of returning and complicating things.
Relationships: Isa/Terra (Kingdom Hearts)
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so...hi! 
> 
> Funny thing about this story...it's been done for about seven months. However, right after I finished Anamnesis, we got new internet at my house and it is absolutely terrible! I couldn't connect to the internet for more than a few minutes without being disconnected and it was so frustrating! I had the first chapter half-typed in Google Docs but never went back to it because of the frustration.
> 
> HOWEVER...thanks to Amazon, I managed to grab a Bluetooth keyboard at an amazing price so, now I can actually finish typing up this story! I'm so excited!
> 
> So, here we are again. I'll type this up as quickly as I can and hope you guys like it as much as you liked Anamnesis. The support I received was phenomenal and I'm so thankful to every single person who read this ridiculous story about one of my new favorite rarepairs ;w; 
> 
> Enough excuses and rambling...without further ado...Envisage.

Chapter 1

“You seem to be smiling a lot more these days,” Lea tells me. He idly wanders around the kitchen as I finish my tea, sticking his head in the refrigerator for the third time, as if something new would have magically appeared by now. 

I set my mug down, watching Lea’s failed attempts at foraging for his breakfast. “Would you rather me walk around scowling all day?” I ask.

“It’d be what I’m used to. Change is scary, ya know?”

I roll my eyes, but it’s more out of amusement rather than annoyance. He’s not wrong. I have felt lighter as of late, nearly weightless at times. It’s been a welcomed change of pace, I have to admit. While it did take some getting used to, this ‘being happy’ thing was worth trying. 

Lea grumbles some nonsense under his breath and I sigh. “Would you like me to make you something to eat before I go?”

“Noooo,” he replies, elongating the response like a child. He looks over his shoulder at me with a knowing smirk and hums, “Wouldn’t want to make you late for your date with Terra.”

My initial reaction is to tell him it’s not a date, throwing us into a similar argument we may have had when we were children. Back and forth, back and forth. To avoid the immature dispute all together, I simply don’t deny it.

It’s been a few months since Terra and I met, since we bonded and since I nearly ruined it all with delusions from the past I was still struggling to escape. Things went in a very pleasant direction after our conversation (and a handful of kisses that followed) atop the clock tower. It was something I hadn’t exactly expected but it quickly became so precious to me and I feel extremely fortunate to have it, to have Terra.

We’ve taken things slowly and we both seem content with that pace. It’s no secret that we’re both still working through a wide array of things, still waiting for deep emotional scars to fade, so we tread cautiously, taking it one step at a time and we’re doing so together. While it hasn’t been perfect, it’s ours, and I can ask for nothing more. Terra still guards himself and my mind still plays the occasional trick on me, but we talk through it. When words are not the answer, we give each other space and remind the other that we’ll be there when the smoke clears and the dust settles. It’s been working beautifully so far, I’d like to think, and I’m grateful for it.

Terra endeared himself to me very quickly and at first, I have to admit, it was overwhelming. A flurry of feelings quickly became an unrelenting storm of affection that threatened me at times, yet I’d still beg for this storm to rage on. I became addicted to the way caring for Terra made me feel; it was intoxicating and warm. Simply being around him filled me with something so irrational and magnificent. 

I struggle to keep myself in check sometimes but still, when it comes to this relationship with Terra, I regret nothing.

Lea’s still hungry and close to whining at me, I can feel it, so I lift myself to my feet and move fluidly around the kitchen. I begin to fix him something to eat, having a little time to burn, and it’d be cruel to leave him hungry, I suppose.

Seeing what I’m doing, Lea perks right up and takes my now vacant seat at the table. “Have you made Terra breakfast yet?”

Always the nosy one. “I haven’t had the chance to,” I reply. Our time together never lasts longer than an afternoon fading into night. I’d offered (a few times) to share a bed if he wanted to spend the night, but he always respectfully declines, kisses me goodnight and returns home. I never push the issue, never overstep or insist, but I decide to try again tonight. I refuse to make him uncomfortable or appear insensitive, but there is a selfish part of me that wants so desperately to wake up beside him, feel his skin warm against mine. It sounds so dreadfully domestic, yet I can’t help but yearn for it. 

I cook and Lea watches me. It’s a thoughtful silence. I can feel that Lea wants to ask me something but the question is sitting on the very tip of his tongue. His eyes follow me across the kitchen and while he could just be waiting for his meal, ravenous and pining for food, I believe it’s more than that.

“Something on your mind?” I ask, peeking at him over my shoulder.

I can see Lea ready to lie to me, telling me everything was fine and so on, but he abandons that quickly. Instead, a coy smile slithers onto his lips and he says, “You really like him, don’t you?”

A reply nearly tumbles out of my mouth, but I take pause. Since this whirlwind began, Lea’s been in my corner. Whether I wanted it or not, I’ve had his support and I could never really put into words how much I appreciated it. He gave me space when I needed it, shared in my hushed excitement and everything in between. As many times as I’ve rolled my eyes at a ridiculous quip or pinched the bridge of my nose to quell the dull roar of a migraine he may or may not have caused, I’ve thanked the sky above for Lea. 

I can’t hide a smile or the sincerity in my tone, “Yes, I do. I like him very much.”

He leans his elbow on the table and rests his chin on the heel of his palm. Mischief is alive in those green eyes of his, but much to my surprise, he simply coos, “Aww, that’s so cute, Isa. Make sure I get my wedding invite first, huh?”

I chuckle and turn back to the stove, “Shut up,” I mutter fondly.

~*~

I finish Lea’s breakfast and he offers to clean up so I could meet up with Terra. He winks at me on the way out and it’s a struggle not to roll my eyes. He also lets me know that he wouldn’t be home until late (wink, wink) in case our date leads us back here (wink.) While I appreciate Lea’s enthusiasm, I avoid the insinuation entirely and wander towards Tram Common, an odd flutter making its way from my stomach to my throat.

I’m anxious to see him. It’s a nervous sort of excitement, a warm feeling that floods my entire body. I’ve only ever felt this way when it comes to the broad shouldered, blue eyed man who abruptly stormed into my life those few fateful months ago. He’s unknowingly introduced me to a myriad of emotions, mostly pleasant (and others private.) I’ve enjoyed every single second of it, every moment with him offering me new chances to learn and experience new things with him.

Never have I considered myself a creature of sentiment, but things with Terra have always been delightfully complicated, so I should have expected as much. I feel myself wanting to clutch tighter to each and every memory, refusing to let go of even a second. It’s become a problem; he’s the first thing I think about when I open my eyes and the last thing I think about when I close them. I’m in deep. Too deep.

A drowning man begging for rain. That’s what I am.

I arrive at the Grand Bistro and take a seat at what has unofficially become ‘our’ table. We frequented the bistro on many a quiet evening and it’s where I began learning about Terra and it’s where Terra began leaning about me. Despite not being proud of my past or my actions of the last few years, I struggled to be as honest with him as possible and, as far as I could tell, he was brutally honest with me, which meant more to me than I could express. The life Terra lived over the last ten years had not been kind nor fair and to hear him relay every sordid detail made me feel...indescribable at times. Never a quiver in his tone or a tear rolling down his cheek, but the look in his eyes nearly broke me. The shame he felt and the regret he carried on his shoulders was monumental and it was a wonder how he was able to stand so tall. It baffles me. Even the strongest being would have crumbled under the strain of it all, but not him. He’s truly a wonder.

A warm breeze blows and it’s thick with the enticing smells of the bistro. I look up and immediately smile, Terra rounding the corner and approaching me. He returns my smile with one of his own and I feel it again, that criminally innocent little flutter in my chest. 

I have yet to speak this thought into existence, but basked in the warm glow of Twilight Town, that man is a glorious sight. 

“I hope you weren’t waiting long,” Terra hums, taking his usual seat across from me. Thoughtful as ever.

I shake my head in an attempt to quell any worries. “Not at all,” I reply. He smiles in return. 

The little things like this, casual conversation and these invasive little feelings, ardent and dreadfully personal, make me feel human, more so than I have in a long time. I feel my heart beating in my chest and it beats because of him. I feel my chest swell when he smiles and I feel my mind race when he laughs. At times, it feels as though he’s torn me asunder just to rebuild me as a better version of myself. I’m aware. My heart beats. My blood flows. I feel like I’m human again and I can thank him for a large chunk of that at the very least. 

Terra orders us our usual order, two hot teas and something light we tend to share. He returns to his seat and we pass the time with idle chit chat. I ask him how Ventus and Aqua are and he asks about Lea and his tribe of strays. Everyone’s fine, just swell and I’m happy to hear it. Those two are Terra’s entire universe and to have them back in his life is so very important to him. He’s lived so long without them and I fear for the day he’s without them. One quiet evening, he confessed to me in a hushed tone that he feared, more than anything, that one day, he’d open his eyes and they’d be gone again, lost to an unforeseen darkness. I could do nothing for him, couldn’t soothe him, because I’ve had similar nightmares, rouge thoughts that have refused to settle, losing the life I’ve slowly begun to rebuild to a fundamental darkness. It’s a horrible feeling, steeped in helplessness and an inescapable sense of dread. 

I want so desperately to console him, help him, but I don’t know how.

Our order arrives and we take our time with it. It’s just an excuse to chat but neither of us acknowledge that painfully obvious fact. My stomach flips a few times as I consider asking him the question that’s been threatening to leap out of my mouth without warning since the moment he rounded the corner. It’s a struggle not to simply blurt it out. I feel like a child, over-excited and nearly vibrating with anticipation.

Terra tilts his head. “Everything alright, Isa?” he asks.

It’s only then I realize I had lost myself in thought for a few seconds too long. I feel sheepish, my cheeks warming. I look down at the remainder of my tea, which had gone cold while my mind haphazardly raced in random directions, and I sigh, defeated, “I...wanted to ask you something.”

I can sense that Terra’s worried, believing my question to be something serious. “Of course," he answers quickly, “anything.” 

My heart races. “I don’t want to appear pushy or persistant, but I’ve been thinking about it quite a bit…” I inhale. My head spins. I will myself to say it. Just say it. “Terra, would you spend the night? Tonight? With me?”

I exhale and I wait.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I stop trying to edit my reactions, stop holding myself back. I want it all, every bit of how Terra makes me feel. I’ve done my time, hiding my heart away in thick, looming shadows. I want to bask now in that blinding light that tends to shine whenever I'm around Terra. I want to simply be with Terra. That want is so very clear to me and it wills me forward, urges me on. It’s a supernatural force and I’m helpless to control myself. I can’t fight against it, so I won’t."
> 
> Isa finally gets the answer to the question he's been asking Terra for a bit now and admittedly, that answer surprises him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the people who have read/left kudos on Chapter 1! It means the world to be seeing people explore this little rarepair that has completely taken over most of my available brain power! 
> 
> I hope you enjoy Chapter 2! ;w;

He’s contemplative, considering my words carefully. I search his expression for a tell, a hint, something. The pounding in my chest is audible, palpable, and it’s driving me mad. I need him to say something, anyth--

“I would love to, Isa.”

The rejection is fever hot and it flows through me, moving to the tips of my ears. I should have expected th--

Wait.

“What did you say?”

Terra leans his cheek on his fist, that charming smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “I’d love to,” he repeats, chuckling softly, “but I’m getting the feeling you didn’t quite expect that answer.”

Honestly? I expected to be turned down and I was partially prepared for it. I tightened my shoulders and clenched my jaw, ready to swiftly change the subject to avoid making Terra uncomfortable. Yet, he continues to surprise me and he renders my planning and careful considerations useless.

“I’d considered the possibility that you may decline,” I admit. I feel my face flush and I advert my gaze. “I mentioned it a few times before and you didn’t seem too keen on the idea.”

I angle my gaze towards Terra and I see him nod. “It wasn’t that I wasn’t keen on the idea, Isa. I was a little...hung up on a few things,” Terra says quietly, “but I think I’m ready to give this a try if you are.”

“Absolutely,” I answer a little too quickly. Terra chuckles and my heart swells. I feel...giddy. It’s a new feeling, like the delicate wings of innumerable butterflies fluttering in the pit of my belly. It’s a soft, fervid feeling and it floods me, head to toe. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever felt and I quietly pray that it chooses to stay. 

We share our meal with quiet conversation and my cheeks ache from how much I’m smiling. It’s nearly impossible to contain it and I’m having problems caring about that. I don’t recall ever smiling this much, not once in my entire life, and to have such a problem...I’m okay with it. More than okay, actually. I welcome it with open arms.

Terra’s opened up quite a bit since our first conversation, but I can sense there is a part of himself that he still hides. I don’t push and I don’t prod because I understand. There are pieces of information I won’t volunteer but that’s not to say I haven’t been honest with him. I have. Anything  he asks, I answer. I’ve become transparent with him and admittedly, in the beginning, that terrified me. To be so candid about my time within the Organization, my time alongside Xemnas, made my blood turn to ice. However, to have someone willing to listen and share their own sordid experiences did help in a way. Still, it wasn’t pleasant to recall, hence why I had no desire to push Terra in any direction. If he wanted to talk, whenever he wanted to talk, I’d be there to listen as he had done for me. 

Time gently floats by and people come and go around us. It happens every single time. I lose myself completely when I’m with Terra. He’s dangerous in subtle ways; his eyes are endless and his voice is velvet. Focus is abandoned and I’m helplessly and completely enamored with him.

I’ve spent a little too much time trying to better define these feelings I have for him. I tried looking at it logically but that was foolish. This feeling isn’t logical nor is it at all trying to be understood. It’s irrational and irresponsible. It’s transformed me into a creature of sentiment. I want to be with him and that’s the simplest way I can explain it. That’s the thought that sits comfortably on my mind. That’s the thought, the only coherent thought, that I can touch and feel.

Morning becomes afternoon in one fluid motion and just as smoothly, afternoon transitions to evening. I suggest that we return to the home I share with Lea, fighting that overeager feeling swelling in the pit of my stomach. We take the walk home nice and slow, a pace I secretly prefer, as it allows me to selfishly steal a few more moments of Terra’s time. It may seem silly, but there are times I do not feel worthy of him. He is kind and thoughtful and gentle. I...may have been that way once, but the memory eludes me. 

“Hey,” Terra says softly as we round a corner, “thank you.”

His statement puzzles me. “What for, exactly?”

We stop at my front door and he looks at me as though I’m something precious, something invaluable. It makes my insides twist and my heart feel like it may burst. Terra reaches forward and places a strong hand against my cheek. “For being patient with me,” he replies, stroking his fingertips against my face. I shiver and I’m sure he feels it. “You’ve been so accommodating, so understanding, and I can’t thank you enough for that, Isa.”

He kisses me and I’m soaring. I press back against him and the way his mouth is perfectly slotted against mine still delights me. Kissing him always feels surreal, like a blissful little daydream you often return to when your mind wanders. It’s always warm and he always tastes the same.

Terra pulls back and I feel myself smile. My lips are tingling and my head’s buzzing, but I manage to say, “If that’s the case, then you’re very welcome.” I steal a quick kiss before opening the door and allowing us inside. 

The night is quiet. It’s not at all awkward like I had feared. Instead, it feels almost natural. We sit shoulder to shoulder, share a quick, simple dinner and simply exist with one another. I’ve never experienced anything like this before, this level of adoration for something so mundane. Being here with Terra...it’s enough. It’s more than enough.

Still, I am a selfish man at times. His company is enough, though the touch of his hand, the shape of his mouth, the warmth that settles so comfortably between us...the temptation claws at me mercilessly, relentlessly. That creature of selfish need that resides within me bares its fangs and snarls.

I often wonder how Terra hasn’t heard it. It’s loud, too loud, yet he just smiles, unaware of the self-seeking animal that lives in the darkest depths of me. 

I exhale and lean against Terra. His arm slides around my shoulder and my body melts against his instantaneously. I’m flooded with a warmth that sinks down to my very core. It surrounds me, overwhelms me, makes me feel more human than I have in these long, impossible years. I don’t know how he continues to accomplish that feat, but he does so effortlessly. He helps to recreate me, bringing me back to who I was, what I dreamed of being. 

“Thank you,” I hum softly. 

“For what, exactly?” Terra mimics my previous statement and I can’t help but chuckle.

I shift carefully against him and tilt my body enough to steal a kiss. It lingers and I helplessly sink deeper and deeper into it, into him. Our lips part and I whisper, “For agreeing to stay.”

He smiles and kisses me again and again. The room’s temperature climbs and our hands begin to wander. Terra touches my face and my hand moves to the base of his neck. Fingertips brush against warm, bare skin and the room ignites. Between kisses that fervently escalate, we part our lips only to catch our breath. We don’t stray too far from one another, this sense of desperation drawing us together. His hand slides through my hair and the action wills me closer, causing a soft, needy little sound to slip from my mouth to his.

I stop trying to edit my reactions, stop holding myself back. I want it all, every bit of how Terra makes me feel. I’ve done my time, hiding my heart away in thick, looming shadows. I want to bask now in that blinding light that tends to shine whenever I'm around Terra. I want to simply be with Terra. That want is so very clear to me and it wills me forward, urges me on. It’s a supernatural force and I’m helpless to control myself. I can’t fight against it, so I won’t.

Terra pulls back and decides to relocate, tugging the collar of my shirt down to bury his nose in the crook of my neck. I suck a breath in through my teeth and allow the sound to dissolve into a groan. I grip Terra’s hair, tilting my head to the side to allow him whatever space he desired. His breath against my neck causes waves of white hot heat to build within my belly. I press my body against his, desperately kneading the tips of my trembling fingers into his scalp.

“Terra…” I manage in a breathless whisper. He holds me closer after that and I don’t resist or argue. I lean against him, a mess of a man against his strong, taut body. I can’t catch my breath and it seems Terra’s struggling with the very same issue. He pants against my neck between kisses that linger and the delightful scratch of his tongue. My vision blurs. Electricity courses through me and I feel like I’m on fire, content to burn if Terra’s the cause.

Control abandoned, I resign myself to this submissive role and while it seemed to suit me just fine in the past, it feels different now. It feels right. It feels mutual and it’s ravenous, unwilling to accept anything less than what it’s demanding.

His hand glides over my stomach and even through my shirt, his touch is searing. I shudder and squeeze my eyes shut tight, allowing my head to swim. Terra’s teeth and tongue continue their feverish dance along my neck, all the while groaning, the sound vibrating throughout my entire body.

I could die happily right here and now, I think in that single moment of clarity. I’d resign myself to that fate happily.

It’s only then I hear the front door knob begin to jiggle. The sound echoes and I immediately panic.

“Terra...ahhh...Terra, the door,” I stammer, reluctant to push him away, but knowing full well I’d never live this down. Never again would a moment pass without this particular scenario looming over my head, a knowing grin plastered across my best friend’s face.

Not to mention, I wanted privacy and the time to explore Terra’s body, without interruption or interference. I demanded that.

Somehow, my words managed to get Terra’s attention and fortunately (unfortunately for me, if I’m being unapologetically honest,) he manages to pull away with just enough time for the door to swing open and Lea to look in on what could very well be a questionable sight.

He cocks a brow, a gleam of deviltry in his eyes. “Evenin’,” Lea snickers, casually leaning against the doorframe. 

Thankfully, Terra’s the first to respond, as I feel the urge to swallow my own tongue, “Hey there.”

Lea knows. Of course he knows. I feel my cheeks burn and out of the corner of my eye, I notice how disheveled Terra’s hair is, how dilated his eyes are. We’re both panting, struggling to focus and all Lea can do is grin like an idiot. Even as he moves into the house completely, closing and locking the door behind him, he never breaks eye contact, not for a single second. “Have a good night, you two crazy kids?”

I shoot Lea a vaguely annoyed look and he replies with a wink. “I’d say so,” I mutter, casually straightening my crinkled shirt. Terra playfully nudges my shoulder, having noticed my displeasure. I sigh, relenting, and alter my reply, “We did, thank you. What did you get up to, Lea?”

No longer being the center of attention is a relief. Lea prattles on about his afternoon with the small horde of kids he leads around and I take the moment to catch my breath. My heart finally slows and the room no longer feels like it’s engulfed in flames. Lea perks up a bit and turns to face Terra, “Oh, Aqua came by and took Ven home. She told me to tell you to enjoy yourself,” he says with a knowing grin.

It’s a struggle not to reply with, ‘We  _ were  _ enjoying ourselves until you sauntered home,’ but I exhale and manage a more civil response. “The heads up is appreciated,” I reply, tossing a glance towards Terra, “and I believe Terra and I are going to retire to bed.” We stand simultaneously and, to my surprise, he reaches over and takes my hand, interlacing our fingers and squeezing gently. Effortlessly, he pulls a smile out of me and my cheeks flush.

Lea chuckles, “Sorry to have interrupted!” 

“You didn’t,” I say nonchalantly, leading Terra towards my bedroom.

“He kind of did,” Terra teasingly replies. 

Alright, he did. He really did. I disregard the laughter coming from behind me and bring Terra into my room, satisfied to hear the soft click behind us. I look to Terra to see him outfitted with a goofy little smile. Within seconds, it cracks and he erupts into laughter. It’s a sweet, sincere laugh and it’s real. It’s not forced or falsified. It’s a pure, untainted sound and my cheeks ache from how much it’s making me smile.

I pull him into a kiss, a much shorter one than what we’d shared a few moments prior. He reciprocates and I melt all over again. Now that it’s quiet, that pang of nervousness returns. Terra isn’t leaving tonight. He’s not returning home. He’s staying here with me. Here, in my bed. That single thought brings a million little butterflies to life in the pit of my stomach. I want this. I’ve wanted this for quite a while, but this nervousness nags and nags.

Our lips part and Terra leans his forehead against mine. “Ready for bed?”

He says it so casually, as if he’d asked me that a dozen times before. There’s that selfish part of me that wants nothing more than to continue what we’re started in the living room, but with Lea comfortably situated in the room beside mine, I can’t quite commit to the idea. We’ll save it for another night, a night when we can savor every action and cherish every second...get it memorized, as my best friend would crow. 

“I believe I am,” I reply. We shed clothing cautiously, backs turned at first. There’s an air of shyness hanging heavy, but it dissipates when we turn to face each other.

Terra’s...ridiculously attractive. I’m not sure if he’s aware of that. He’s toned in all the right places, strong and tall and pretty close to perfect. He stands before me, pants hanging low on his hips, shirt abandoned and I’m in awe, simple as that. If I had the ability to pick my jaw up off the floor, I may have offered him a set of comfortable clothes to sleep in and yet, this is...well, it suits him just fine. 

We crawl into bed and it feels so natural. He lays on his side and I slide into place, my back pressed against his chest. Inhaling deeply, I take in the moment in its entirety and I feel...complete, whole, in a way I never have before. We fit together beautifully. He reaches behind him to turn the lamp off and returns that arm to drape over my hip. I decide then and there that I never want to be anywhere else when the sun goes down and the stars come out. 

Terra presses a kiss to the back of my head, nuzzling his nose into my hair. “Goodnight,” he whispers.

“Goodnight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> blah blah blah beta'd by me so I'm sure there are glaring errors blah


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Yes, I like Terra. I care for him deeply, but to have been attacked the way I was, I would have no reason to defend him so adamantly. That behavior would be unacceptable. I wouldn’t put up with that, regardless of the reason, but...that wasn’t Terra."
> 
> Isa is in for a rude awakening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because why not edit and post the next chapter of your rarepair fic at 4 in the morning?
> 
> I apologize for the delay. Mental health sure is a thing. I want to try and post the last half of this story over a week or two. It just needs to be proofread and I have a few other things I'm working on so we'll see if I can make that work. I don't want this to drag, I guess? 
> 
> But, yeah, to the people reading, thank you. I know this isn't a popular ship in the slightest but I really was passionate about writing this. So, any single reader makes this worth it, so...thank you.
> 
> And, if you're interested, I did make a twitter for my writing. For updates, stupid ramblings about how writing is hard and the like, you can join me over at AndWeMutate on Twitter. I'll be there...being ridiculous, I'm sure.

I can’t breathe.

_ I can’t breathe _ .

I wake up with a start, my eyes wide and dread flooding my entire body. I struggle to see beyond the room’s darkness. I’m confused but more than that, I’m frightened. 

Terra. Terra’s straddling my hips, weight pressing hard against my body and his fingers are curled tight around my neck. His thumbs press harder and harder into my windpipe and my immediate reaction is panic.

“Ter...ra,” I choke out his name and move to grab either of his wrists. I can’t think. Every time I open my mouth, another breath is stolen from me. I can’t breathe. I don’t understand.

I writhe and struggle, but Terra’s unwavering strength is overwhelming. My entire world is fading around me at an alarming speed. I grip Terra’s wrists tighter and fight to speak. “What are y--?”

His eyes are dull and lifeless. He’s not looking at me. He’s looking through me. He’s vacant, gone to a place I cannot find. My words are not reaching him.

It’s not Terra. It can’t be.

“Please...Terra…”

He doesn’t flinch. My words don’t appeal to him and I’m quickly losing the ability to spare many more. The edges of my line of sight blur and warp. With the last bit of strength I can muster, I cry out once more, “Terra!”

All of a sudden, he comes to life. Terra’s eyes refocus and he’s looking at me, wide-eyed and confused. He mutters something incoherently, something not meant for me, and finally realizes the position he’s in; hands wrapped around my neck, his thighs jammed against my hips. It appears to hit him all at once and his once empty expression is now overflowing with something I’m struggling to decipher. 

He quickly releases his hold on me and I immediately suck in air, but the suddenness of it causes me to choke and I turn my head to cough. I can’t stop at first. Every breath is a struggle, a shaky inhale and a nearly nonexistent exhale. 

While I fight to regulate my breathing. Terra hurriedly climbs off of me, stumbling to the corner of the room. He’s mumbling again, but the words are lost to me. My ears are ringing and my vision is still blurred. What I manage to see is Terra cowering in the corner, looking horrified. Even in the darkness, I can see his face and his expression quickly etches itself into my mind.

Carefully, I sit up. I’m dizzy and I dare not attempt to stand. I clumsily lean over and turn the lamp on, light bursting into the room. There’s a long moment of silence, sans my heavy, labored breathing and I’m just...dumbfounded. What had just happened? What was that look in his eyes, that absence of light? He’s looking at me with this devastating sense of helplessness and I have no idea what to say, how to feel. I just return his stare, waiting to wake up from this nightmare. 

But I don’t. Neither of us do. We’re lost in this thick, palpable silence, teeming with confusion and something more complicated. What do we say?

The wide-eyed Terra is mumbling again. In the lamp’s light, I can see he’s trembling. I can’t at all process the series of events that dragged us here, but seeing Terra like this, even after what just happened, is destroying me. 

I hear what he’s saying in that disjointed whisper. “I’m sorry,” he says over and over.

Neither of us blink. A thousand thoughts come and go, none of which manage to be enough. What could possibly be enough? I finally open my mouth to say something, anything, but before I can, Terra flees. He just...runs. He’s out the bedroom door and down the hall before I can react. I try to follow, but the entire world still feels like it’s tilted on its side so I stumble and can only listen to Terra’s hastened footsteps grow distant, followed by the opening and subsequently slamming of the front door.

It’s still now, quiet, and I have no idea what to do. Do I wait? Do I go after him?

I do nothing.

~*~

I can’t sleep after that. Who could? Instead, I relocate to the kitchen and helplessly stare at the wall. I’m at a loss. I feel sore and addled. Every ounce of adrenaline has seeped out of me and I’m left exhausted, full of questions that lacked answers. The memory plays over and over again and it feels like a form of torture. No matter how many times I hear Terra’s apologetic murmuring, no matter how my neck still aches, I just can’t make any sort of sense of it.

Morning comes, but Terra does not. I’m still at the kitchen table, bleary-eyed and feeling utterly defeated in every plausible way, by the time Lea saunters in with a yawn. I guess he didn’t quite expect to see me and he startles himself, placing a hand over his chest. “Geez, Isa,” he exclaims, “you trying to...give me a...whoa...” His voice trails off when he takes a longer look at me. I only then realize I never put my shirt back on, so I have no way to hide what I’m sure has Lea’s attention. “What the hell happened?”

I hadn’t thought to look, but I know what he’s referencing. Terra’s hands had been wrapped too tightly around my neck to not leave some sort of mark. I’m wearing his bruises, I know that, and I make absolutely no effort to hide it. “I don’t know,” I finally reply quietly, hoarsely.

Lea hastily takes the seat beside me, bringing the chair even closer. He brings a hand to my neck and I do my best not to shy away. Touching one of the bruises at the base of my neck, he sucks in a breath between his teeth. “Did...Terra do this?”

I don’t answer immediately and that seems to be answer enough. I can feel his concern heating up into a raw, dangerous anger. Lea has always been protective of those around him and while I truly appreciate his feral need to defend his friends, I can’t let that unbridled rage go unchecked. “Lea…”

“What the hell happened, Isa? Where is he?!” He’s getting louder. My head throbs and I try to intervene, but Lea continues, “We’re gonna have a nice, long chat about keeping his hands to himself.”

“Lea…”

“See if he can do the same thing to me. Let’s see if he can even get that close,” he nearly snarls.

“Lea.” I raise my voice as much as I can, the rough, gravely sound of it finally getting his attention. Narrowed green eyes meet mine and I sigh, “Calm down.”

“But, Isa…!”

“I know...I know, but I don’t think he did this on purpose.” The look on Lea’s face doesn’t surprise me; he’s angry, ready for a fight and unwilling to believe what I just said.

Lea takes my statement and considers it, dissects it piece by piece. “Isa, explain to me how that,” he references to my neck in sharp, curt movements, “wasn’t done on purpose.”

I’m exhausted. I can’t see straight. I understand his anger and disbelief, but he couldn’t understand. I didn’t even understand. He didn’t see the look in Terra’s eyes, that eerie and vacant stare. It hasn’t left me yet, that thousand yard stare. I doubt I could explain that to Lea but I had to try before he led a crusade against Terra. 

“His face,” I begin in a subdued tone, “there was no expression, no light in his eyes. It just...didn’t feel like him.” It doesn’t make sense. I sound insane. I try again, “Maybe...maybe, I don’t know.” I feel my brain shutting down. Any word I try to say is turning into gibberish in my head. “I don’t know,” I admit in defeat. 

Lea’s sympathetic now. He places a gentle hand on my shoulder and sighs. “Just try and relax. He didn’t say anything to you?”

“Not a word. He just stared. He just…” My voice trails off and like a shot, it hit me. It hit me hard and fast. I mumble to myself, piecing together the rabid realization that slapped me in the face out of nowhere.

Lea’s brow is cocked. “Slow down, Isa, slow down. What are yo--?”

“Sleeping,” I say abruptly. Maybe my exhaustion was getting the better of me. Maybe this line of thinking was way off base, but the way it clicked, how audible it was in my head, it felt right. “He wasn’t awake, It was like...like he was sleepwalking. He was asleep. Maybe a nightmare. That has to be it,” I ramble. It all comes out in a single breath, as if the thought would vanish if I didn’t get it out as quickly as possible. 

I get the distinct feeling that Lea doesn’t believe me. He tilts his head. “You can’t be serious.”

“Lea, you didn’t see his face. When he came to, it was like a light went on, like he clicked back into awareness. It makes sense. He must have been having some sort of vivid nightmare.”

He’s not amused. “I know you like him, but do you hear yourself?”

Yes, I like Terra. I care for him deeply, but to have been attacked the way I was, I would have no reason to defend him so adamantly. That behavior would be unacceptable. I wouldn’t put up with that, regardless of the reason, but...that wasn’t Terra. He wasn’t cognizant. I couldn’t blame him...could I?

I exhale. “I understand your disbelief but it’s the only thing that makes sense. When he realized what he’d done, he looked horrified. He apologized over and over again and I know it sounds like an excuse but Lea, I know he couldn’t have done this consciously. I know it. I can just...feel it.”

He sighs in defeat. “I don’t like this. Like, at all, but it’s your life, your choice. Just...be careful? Please?”

I nod. Lea’s concern warms my heart. I know my feelings for Terra have caused me to hesitate, to overthink, to sometimes be blind to the world around me, but I know I must tread cautiously and take this one step at a time. “Thank you, Lea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> blah blah blah proofread at 4AM by me so I'm sure there's still an error lingering blah.

**Author's Note:**

> As per usual, beta'd by me and all that jazz. Things are a little more difficult now, working straight from my phone with GoogleDocs, a Bluetooth keyboard and spellcheck but we're gonna do the damn thing! Apologizes for any ridiculous spelling or grammatical errors!
> 
> I'll also be adding more tags later on.


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